argh.

So a couple of days ago, I sat down and worked out a budget for the next three months or so.  It wasn’t a fun exercise, because it clearly shows just how utterly and truly fucked we are financially, thanks to me not keeping a tighter grip on our tax refunds and running up some expenses before realizing we’d run out of money.  It wasn’t a pretty picture, but it was, nevertheless, better than random flailing and panic.  It showed us where we had to delay things, where we could pay right away, how we could get caught up on everything, and which creditors we basically have to tell “sorry, we don’t have enough plasma to sell, call back next month.”  If we could stick reasonably close to it through this month, we might be able to start to turn the corner in September, and have enough money to head down to the Mossy Creek show in October and possibly sell enough of the wife’s beadwork to get back on track.  In order to even make the 1000-mile round trip to Georgia, after all, we’ve got to have several hundred dollars saved up for hotel, car rental (neither of our rides will make it), booth fee, all that fun stuff. 

So of course I get into work this morning and hit the ol’ Banco del America site…and see that somebody has got a withdrawal pending out of our checking account for $119.95.  We don’t know who.  It’s a “hold”, not the actual payment; that’ll come out tomorrow.  But whoever it is, in one instant, all the careful calculations have gone out the window, and here comes another torpedo putting yet another hole in the side of our financial Lusitania.

One of these days, I’m going to finally figure out how I can make the money I make–which by all objective standards is pretty damn good–and we can still be broke all the time.  A few months ago, even after buying the new computers, we had a nice chunk in the bank.  Not enough to head to Cancun on, mind, but enough that we didn’t have to worry about paycheck-to-paycheck for a while.  And I think that was the problem.  I stopped worrying.  I shouldn’t have.  And thanks to that, now I really get to worry.

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