I know, I haven’t posted in the better part of four months. Life goes on, and occasionally it hits you in the junk like a Roger Federer serve and leaves you writhing on the ground, with nothing else to do but waterboard a few metaphors for fun.
As one of those eeeeeevil Republicans, I’ve been watching the recent parade of Democratic politicians who can’t keep it in their pants with a distinct sense of schadenfreude.
– Eliot Spitzer, the attack-dog New York governor who never found a hedge fund he didn’t want to put a multi-million-dollar squeeze on or a john he didn’t want to send away to Sing Sing, crashes and burns over blowing $5300 on a Joisey Goil who ends up being the hottest thing on Myspace because, well, ZOMGBOOBIES. He ends up resigning in disgrace while his wife (who, BTW, is not exactly chopped liver herself) stands there and looks at him like he’s something she just stepped in on the sidewalk.
– Cue his successor, a very inspiring story–David Paterson, New York’s first black governor, a legally-blind veteran Democratic pol. Great story. Until we find out that he and his wife were sleeping around “during a particularly rocky time in their marriage.” And that he was hitting up the taxpayers for rendezvous in Albany hotels…and in a Days Inn on 94th Street in Manhattan. Dave. C’mon. Dude. A freaking Days Inn? Damn, dawg, that’s so romantic. He may end up having to resign because of the financial improprieties, or he may be able to hang on. This is, after all, New York.
– Let’s not forget New Jersey ex-Governor Jim “I’m a gay American” McGreevey. Jim’s wife Dina–pretty hot for a politician’s wife–came out and publicly sympathized with Mrs. Spitzer about how she knows how she done been done wrong by that evil man, sniff sniff. At which point, a young studmuffin pops up and says that both McGreeveys kept him around for a couple of years for some threesomes…because it was the only way Dina could get her motor runnin’ and head out on the highway, wink wink nudge nudge say no more. Start off at Applebees, end up in a gubernatorial menage a trois. Bow chikka wow wow, Jimmy.
– Kwame Kilpatrick, mayor of Detroit. Multiple Federal indictments for perjury, obstruction of justice, and tampering with evidence in trying to cover up an affair with his chief of staff.
– Yeah. I know. The standard liberal answer to a conservative bringing up sex scandals: Larry Craig. Fair enough. What I’ve got to say here applies to The Toe-Tapper as well.
Now, understand that those politicians aren’t really in trouble so much because of the marital infidelity. Spitzer got busted, basically, on the same sort of hide-the-money-movement-from-the-Feds tricks that he so loved to go after as a prosecutor. Paterson’s more in trouble for misappropriation of campaign funds than he is for knockin’ boots. McGreevey didn’t just play for the other team on the side–he hired his boy toy as state director of homeland security, a non-patronage position for which he was manifestly unqualified, just so he could keep him handy. The mainstream media loved to jump on Larry Craig for hypocrisy, being a conservative caught allegedly soliticing gay sex in a bathroom–fact is, if he’d actually tried to fight the charge early on, he’d probably have pulled it off, instead of pleading guilty, waiting six months, and saying “no, that’s not what I meant!” like some 15-year-old D&Der who realizes too late that he’s just given the DM’s most powerful NPC mortal offense.
See, I’m a little weird. I think all four of those guys should lose their jobs because they cheated on their wives. To me, it’s very simple, and it doesn’t even deal with infidelity as a Christian sin. Infidelity shows me that those involved have a lack of discipline. And if you want to be my political leader, you’d best show some discipline, and that includes in your personal life. I don’t want somebody as a Senator or governor or mayor or whatever who can’t grok the fact that “till death do you part” frigging means something when you say it in front of witnesses. If you’re going to slough that off and go find some nookie whenever the urge strikes you, how can I trust you to uphold the other oath you’ve taken…the oath of your office?
Or, as the infinitely smart Wife Unit once put it talking about Bill Clinton…
“If he can’t handle ‘love, honor, and cherish,’ how can I trust him with ‘preserve, protect, and defend?'”